A Short Word: A Modest Proposalish

If we are really serious about reducing gun violence in the United States, there is a sure way to make that happen. As an added benefit, it is, without a doubt, a simple and time honored solution, going all the way back to the numerous wars between the British and the French (at least colloquially). With a simple and very low risk procedure, we can ensure the peace and tranquility of our only slightly mutilated society.

Like circumcision and pulling wisdom teeth, we should promote and celebrate the amputation of the index and middle fingers of all citizens, making it practically impossible to operate the trigger of a firearm. Not only would this reduce gun violence to practically zero (creative individuals will be able operate the gun with a bit of string in their teeth), we ensure that violent offenders would lack the grip strength needed to effectively wield knives, swords, spears, bows, or even sharpened sticks. Grabbing and punching, too, would be a thing of the past.

By removing the index and middle fingers, we would be ensuring that our children can live without fear of being seriously injured or killed with traditional weapons of any kind by anyone else in our country. Wars (that we win) would become a thing of the past, as our enemies could not help but admire our peaceful culture, as they march their armed troops through our streets without all that messy fighting back. This is clearly the perfect solution to the gun violence problem as well as practically any other kind of physical violence.

Join the movement for digital amputation. If it saves even one life, it’s worth it.



Liberty is For The Win!

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